Tuesday, May 4, 2010

remember,remember the fourth.....

Today is Tuesday the 4th of May.Today would be my brother's 25th birthday,I normally just get on with it.But this year,this time it's different:This is the first time I'm away from home,this time I'm in first year of college with exams starting two days.

This time five years ago my brother was in the same situation.First year exams in trinity.I am pretty sure I'm going to fail a good few of my exams this semester,this year was pretty hard over all,sort of stepping into his shoes for me.

I can't shake the questions,How was he feeling in this situation? He got his exam results and had failed first year,5 hours later he was dead.

I can't help but compare myself to him,I'm in almost exactly the same situation.I have some pretty bad results coming my way.I don't know how I'll react to seeing it on paper.One of those little trials I have out in front of myself,to see if I can measure up.

it makes me wonder though,who would I be in a different life?What if nothing had happened?What would I be like? Would I be a better person?Would I be more successful?
at the very least it'd make things a lot easier having someone there who went before me.

I know so many people havn't got anyone older than them to ask for advice,but the difference that always makes it harder is that,he did and it was all too much for him in the end.

well,that got a bit heavy,most people come with emotional baggage.Here's me travelling with a freight train.


  1. Wow. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

    I honestly don't know what to say, but I wanted to comment anyway 'cause sometimes it's not what people say, it's just the fact that they're there.

    Try not to worry too much if you fail some (or even all) of your exams. Happened to me before so I know it sucks. You can do repeats and stuff.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message, and I mean that. I'm pretty rubbish at giving advice and things, but I'm always around to listen.

    Take care of yourself <3

  2. I admire you so much for being able to get through every day, despite the losses you've suffered. What you've experienced is just incomprendable to me.

    I know you'll make your brothers proud though.


  3. They say the first year after someone pass away is always the worst, but they never mention the "first situations". If you fail you fail, you can redo the exams in August, no worries, but do take time to think of your brother now, just so you can get through it. If you get me. I'm not looking forward to my little brothers confirmation next spring, a big family event will never be the same without dad.

  4. It is,I can barely remember secondary school,well not really.I wasn't really all there for it,I always had stuff on my mind.

    What people tend to forget is,even after the first "hard year" you're not okay,it's not something that goes away.

    Thanks so much for the comments.