Life,the Universe and Everything

Man,I love that title < 3

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately [never a good thing] about the future,the past,stuff, things and whatchamacallit's

And I've found some stuff that helps and messes things up a lot.I've spotted what I'm really like[well as much as you can tell about yourself] from some situations I've been in and what I'm like when I'm at home.

I'm two completely different people, I know how crazy that sounds,you can put down the straightjacket.The simple explanation is that I have to be, I have to be quieter and just a "smaller" more timid kind of guy,it's what works and gets me by.I can put up with more of dad's crap and all the time I spend alone and how much I don't want to be like my friends[ Seriously,who does Cocaine on bonfire night FFS?] but I learned in college,that's not me,not the real me.

Real me is a pretty decent ordinary average kind of guy; a gamer,a nerd,a bit of a bollocks,but bearable to be around.There's only one problem with that guy,he hates being stuck in the same place all day, everyday,talking to no one,stuck in a boring routine with nothing to shake things up.He's not the guy to stay stuck in nowhere farming,but he's an assload happier.

I had a bit of an argument/venting session with dad a while back and he blurted out:"If you don't like working here then don't" that's not an option.For one thing in his opinon unless you work 12+ hours a day and get up by dawn you're a waster,so me not slaving around isn't going to happen.That and I can't watch an old crippled man hurt himself trying to keep this place running just to prove a point,I'm not wired to do it.SO my options seem to be throw it all there,break my parents hearts and ruin 4 generations of work or be happy and actually enjoy my life with people who genuinely care because of who I am,not because I happen to live near by. F M L


So yeah,I've started to dole out the crazy a bit more if you haven't noticed.I am [relatively] sane but spending nearly straight days on your own driving a tractor does strange things to my head

P.S: =42 :D