III'mmmmmm BAAAaaaAAAck,well just for one.
I had an interesting conversation with Dad today.It's come up a bit lately that I don't work enough,which I can't really argue with.I could try harder,I won't deny that,but I really don't want to,I've been there where I put all my effort into the farm and every little sarcastiv remark he made,every little snide remark cut more than any razor ever could.So I'm going to lie in,I'm going to finish as early as I can,I'm not going to go out of my way to find stuff to do.Not because I'm lazy or because I'm not interested.But it's because I've seen what that leads to,nearly every man in my area is in a crappy dead end job and a [as horrible as this sounds] pretty crap marriage.
I know those are terrible things to say,it's not something I like to do,but one of the few things I want out of life is to die happy,not to have had a happy life.50 years from now,when I'm old and retired I want to be able to look around and see people I love as much as I did when I met them and have enjoyed what I did with my life,is that too much to ask?
There are loads of people around my are that "settle" in life,they never left,they never changed since they were kids,married someone they went to secondary school with,worked for someone who they met in the pub and maybe had a bit of a farm,because their parents did exactly the same.
If I'm honest,that's my hell.It's why I get out of bed in the morning,I'm going to get out of here,I'm going to live an awesome happy life,even if it's just dossing on the dole and hanging around with some friends for giggles,it's going to be MY choce dammit and I'm going to like it.
I like where I'm from,it's a beautiful place and it's where I grew up,it'll always be home,but It just doesn't really fit as well as I want it to :(
hurray for long ranty whinging!!
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11 months ago