Don't worry,Be happy

Procrastinating Blog post #2 I should really be studying, but all the talk of blogging on boards got me to reading a few of them,Which then got me into "philosophy mode":todays topic, suicide Suicide is probably the result/reason for about 70% of who I am as a person.It's always been something I knew about,looking back now I was severely depressed as a pre-teen,I can vividly remember when I was 12 crying by myself on the roof of a shed I used to climb up to be alone and being almost fully convinced the world would be better without me in it.The worst thing about my little spot,was I could see the house from one side,but the lake from the other.Even at as a twelve year old I knew how to do what I was thinking of,but something in me just said "One more day" I don't know why,call it a guardian angel[I wouldn't] but for a normally pessimistic person I've always had this attitude when the chips are down,I refuse to let anything beat me.Be that physical,mental or emotional,hell it could be sheer force of pride,but I've always been determined to not let the world beat me. Even in more recent times,my three brothers who have commited suicide have given me so much to live with,that it's fundamentally altered the way I see the world: Drinking is a part of Irish culture and I've no problem with that,what I do have is a terrible fear of being drunk,admittedly it doesn't happen often, I was born with a fairly tough constitution.But when I get to that point of letting my senses slip,it always scares me,I'm far from a control freak,but Losing control of myself is one of my biggest fears.I guess since my brother ended up in the same situation and decided to kill himself over some debts,it's changed the way I prioritise money and alchohol,they're both just means to an end now, for most people I think they are the goal in a lot of things. well,that's about 1/4 of the story,but it'll come up again,it always does. And so to finish, a song that means a lot to me and fits so much about me,I just can't stop listening to it,if I could be described as a song, this would be it: